


Why

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 02:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has to deal with a hate crime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why

**Author's Note:**

> Some of my stories never made it to the archive, thus I'm reposting a few. 
> 
> DEATH story. There is no sex, as I've purposely made the relationship between Jim and Blair ambiguous; they could be a couple, they could be just best friends, it's up to you. My point is that it doesn't matter. Hate crimes affect us all, straight, gay, bi, it doesn't matter. This was written as a catharsis to help me deal with how something like the beating, torture and death of Matthew Shepard could happen in this day and age.

## Why

by Rayden Star

Author's disclaimer: The characters of Jim and Blair belong to Pet Fly. Matthew Shepard belongs to God now.

* * *

"Oh come on, Jim, you're making a mountain out of a molehill!" Blair did not want to get into yet another argument with the Sentinel. 

"Sandburg, you've left food in the fridge to rot, and you can't imagine what it is like to open one of those containers and see an experiment that would have been condemned by the CDC! Even with my senses turned all the way down, I was afraid I was going to lose my lunch. If you don't eat them after a week, throw them out! And, for God sakes, pick up the wet towels in the bathroom, clean out the shower and put the cap back on the toothpaste!" 

"Jim, you're being a bit anal here. What's putting the cap back on the toothpaste got to do with the important things in life?" 

"It _is_ important to me. Why can't you understand that? I'd like some order in my house, is that too much to ask for?" 

"Your house?! Don't I get a say in any of this? I live here too, you know. Oh, that's right, I'm just a tenant, just someone to help pay the bills. I swear Jim, if you just wanted someone around to yell at, why didn't you get a dog?!" 

"You've got as much hair as one!" 

"Yeah, well maybe you ought to go get one! I'm outta here, man." Blair picked up his jacket and headed out the door. He had gone only three blocks when the absurdity of the argument hit him full in the face. It had been a long winter, they hadn't been able to get out much and it was showing. A smile crossed his face as he marveled at how much he and Jim acted like an old married couple sometimes. He looked up at the cold, starry sky and breathed the icy air into his lungs. It helped him clear his thoughts, and the first thing he had to do was tell Jim he was sorry, and that he realized that when you live with someone, compromises had to be made. //Maybe he'll let the cap on the toothpaste slide if I make sure the towels are put away and the shower is clean.// He chuckled to himself and kicked a piece of ice down the street. It was then he noticed two guys were crossing the street toward him. 

* * *

Jim had fallen asleep on the couch after mentally berating himself for going off on Blair. Being cooped up was driving him crazy, but it had been too cold for the criminals even, so work had been slow, almost down to a nine to five job. //Don't see how Dad ever stood it!// He had hoped to talk to Blair once he got back; he knew he wasn't going very far, not without his keys at least. A little nap would help tremendously. 

An hour later the ringing of the phone woke him up. 

"Ellison." 

"Jim, it's Simon." 

"What is it?" Jim didn't like the tone of Simon's voice. 

"It's Blair, he's been...he's in the hospital, beaten up and basically left for dead. Jim...he's not going to make it. Get down here as soon as possible." 

Jim ran out of the door, not even bothering to hang up the phone or grab his jacket. All he could think about was Blair, how this couldn't be the end, that they were wrong, he'd be home soon. 

<<I was childish and unfair  
To you, my only friend  
I regret, but now it's too late  
I can't show you any more  
The things I've learned from you  
Cause life just took you away>>

The room was quiet, too quiet, to subdued to be holding the form of his partner. Blair was too still, tubes sticking unnaturally out of him, monitors showing forced heart beats and respiration. The doctors said the EEG had come back showing no brain activity; Blair was gone, his body being kept alive by machines. 

He touched the cold face, wondering if Blair would ever know how Jim felt about him. How Blair saved him from a world of insanity and showed him how to live. He heard the doctor come in and a touch on his shoulder took his attention away from the body that once held his life. He was being asked to sign the document that would take Blair away from him forever. Shaky hands wrote an illegible signature and the doctor started to turn off the machines. A strong arm stopped him. 

<<I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why>>

"Please, I ... " The words wouldn't come, but the doctor understood and left the man to his duty and his grief. Jim's hand hovered over the power switch, and he wondered if he could actually do it; could he watch the only person he had ever given a damn about die? He took a deep breath and forced the tears back as the hand turned the switch to the off position. As the EKG went flat, Jim let loose a guttural scream. 

**"WHY!"**

<<But someday we'll meet again  
And I'll ask you 

I'll ask you why  
Why it has to be like this  
I'm asking you why  
Please give me an answer>>

"I'm sorry Chief, so sorry. You'll never know how much ..." Jim reached down and brushed the curls away from his face, then leaned down for a final quick kiss on his forehead. Blair was gone and Jim had a mission; whoever did this to his Guide was going to pay, laws be damned. He would dole out Sentinel justice and deal with the consequences later. 

<<Many years and stupid fights  
Till we accept to see  
How it was and it'll always be  
Why it has to be like this  
Why we don't realize  
Why we're too blind to see the one  
Who's always on our side>>

There hadn't been any leads on the case in days; Jim found no time to grieve, he was driven by instinct to find who killed his Guide. There had been quite a few gay-bashings around campus recently, but the survivors either wouldn't or couldn't tell anything about their attackers. It didn't look like the attackers were all that picky; two of their survivors weren't even gay, they just happen to fit the stereotype of smallish, long hair and feminine face. 

Even though Jim had been taken off active duty, he still had pursued the case with a vengeance, not caring how it looked or who he was pissing off. He visited every redneck bar in town, hoping that just someone would brag about knowing who did it, or even better, the actual attackers would think they'd gotten away with it and start bragging themselves. He had little time to dwell on the fact that Blair was gone; his scent was still strong at the loft and Jim hadn't touched a thing since that night. His Sentinel brain refused to deal with the fact that his Guide wasn't coming back, even after watching the casket being lowered into the ground. His mind was on one thing and one thing only; killing the bastards that did this. What he couldn't see was afterwards, he didn't care. Afterwards didn't matter, only that his Guide was avenged. Why didn't seem to matter much any more. 

<<I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why 

Just tell me why  
Why it has to be like this  
That the good ones disappear  
I'm asking you why>>

Paydirt! Jim's Sentinel hearing picked up two guys in the back of the bar bragging on how they offed a fag. This was it, this was the end of his quest. He walked back to them and put his leg up on the empty chair at their table. 

"Couldn't help but hear you guys offed a fag." 

"What, you a cop?" 

"Nope, just wanting to get my facts straight. You know about them fags, right?" Jim was going to play this right; he had to be one hundred percent sure. 

"Yeah, worthless pieces of shit, aren't they? We've been tryin' to run a few out of town, but got a little carried away last week, if you know what I mean. Good riddance, I say." 

Jim nodded. "Good riddance. What, he come onto you?" 

The second man spoke up. "Nah, he was just out walkin' down there on Prospect with a stupid grin on his face. You know the type, had long hair, was real small for a man, had to be a fag. Mutterin' something about compromising with his fag lover. They must've had a lover's quarrel, right Charlie?" He poked the other man in the ribs to make his point. 

"Yeah, somethin' like that. It felt good to pummel him, another queer sent to hell. Isn't that what they preach, 'Fags rot in hell', right man?" He picked up his beer to toast to Jim. 

Jim calmly sat his beer down on the table and reached behind him. Two quick shots between the eyes and the two men were dead before their heads hit the table. Jim finished off his beer and calmly walked out of the bar as the bartender was quickly calling 911. 

<<I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why  
I'm asking why>>

It was dusk when Jim reached the cemetery, his Sentinel eyes telling him he was all alone. He walked toward the spot he had only visited one time before, the time when he couldn't cry, the time when he knew what he had to do. Now there was no afterwards, here's were it ended. No more. No more pain, no more watching the door hoping to see his Guide saunter in from work. 

The tears came freely now, tears for the anguish his heart had been repressing for so long. Before he'd been on a mission, now his mission was over. No debriefing this time, only solitude and a single purpose. He traced the outline of the lettering on the freshly-cut stone marker. His purpose was absolutely clear as he stood up and faced the grave. 

A single shot echoed through the still cemetery as the sun sank slowly over the horizon. 

**END**

* * *

Song lyrics from the song "Why!" by Enigma on their album Enigma3. 


End file.
